branded

It truly amazes me how my body has been created with all these systems that work together to keep me alive and well.  Like platelets. . . I've never thought twice about these things until E had bruises all over and red spots covering her body.  Chemo is well known for causing havoc. . . I hate it. . . I hate seeing sick, weak children. I hate seeing my daughter bruised up over nothing more than normal brother/sister play. 

These times are rough.  But God has a great plan.  This rainbow princess is a constant reminder of promises from the King. . .
I am blessed!. . . to be able to see beauty . . . experience joy through the suffering.  The reminder of 1 peter 1:7 . . . "These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire —may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed.". . .  has been branded on her princess head. I won't forget!

Thankful for platelet transfusions!! E had another one yesterday.  We'll see next week if her body is ready for the next round of chemo. 
I was praying on my way to the hospital and felt an overwhelming feeling that I was not going to the hospital just for E this day. . . I had no idea what God was going to do but I continued on . . . grabbed my parking pass and headed up the hill with Jack and E following close behind.  We walked in the elevator and another family stepped in right behind.  They had smiles on their faces . . .  light radiating . . . I just knew this family followed Jesus.  I asked what floor they were going to and the mom hesitated. . . as if she hadn't been there many times before. When she said 2r I was excited that I might get the opportunity to get to know them. 
We had such a great talk. . . exchanging stories, tears, and joy.  Hugging me. . . tears filling her lids . . .  she said, "God took care of me again today. . . He put you in the elevator." . . .I was thinking the same thing about her. . . She blessed me more than she'll ever know.  What an amazing God!! His love is extravagant! . . . I am unworthy. . . yet He is a promise keeper . . . unfailing love! He's teaching me all the time what it means to love. . . I stink at it!  But I am a stubborn one. . . which I am learning can be a good thing.  I WILL allow transformation. . . God's kind. 
God is at work. . . lots of change happening. . . paths leading to the unknown. . .

But I'm expecting great things for our family as we continue along this journey. . . God is always up to something great. . . praying I have seeing eyes. . . .wide open!

Radical work

Without faith it is impossible to please God. Hebrews 11:6

The MRI showed no changes. . . although when I looked at it with the doctor myself. . . I asked where the one "mass" was in her spine b/c I couldn't find it.  We looked and searched and discovered that there is no definite answer to whether it's gone or still there.  When we do The next MRI I'll make sure to ask the radiologist to take extra focus on the one area and make sure he studies that spot too.

I so badly want to celebrate dissolved tumors. . . God's revealing of the miraculous.

But for now I will celebrate that He is Jehovah Rapha and He stopped the tumors from growing since the last MRI.  That is also worth celebrating!

Waiting to see more of His

 

I can choose to sit back and fear the unknown. . . . something that looks, feels, and appears scary but I won't.

So thankful for the ones that go before me. . . encouraging me to march on in faith.

It helps to face fears knowing God has placed others in my life that understand those fears. . . have walked the scary path. . . having nothing to cling to but God. . .

with tightened laces. . . we press on. . . knowing "All things are possible with God." Mark 10:27

"Glory to God who by His mighty power at work within us is able to do far more than we would dare to ask, hope, or dream." Ephesians 3:20

I have to continue giving God all the pieces of my life, a daily struggle, so He can make something beautiful!

Gushing fountains

"Anyone who drinks the water I give will never thirst—not ever. The water I give will be an artesian spring within, gushing fountains of endless life."  John 4:14

Living Water. . .
Without it I would quickly wither. . . .

a dry, faded, shriveled up mess.
Artesian spring. . . I had opportunity to drink from such this past week while in Guatemala. It took educating me.  Drinking water from Central America is typically a no-no, but after describing the water system where I was staying, I knew I could trust it.  I drank and I saw that it was good. . . so good in fact that I had no problem staying hydrated. . . .  plenty of trips to the bana too. :)  (restroom)

Not just concerned about the height of this ride . . . but will I remain in control of all bodily functions. wink. . . wink.

Continuing learning about  being a passenger.  Letting the Lord lead.  This doesn't happen as easily if I'm not completely filled with the spirit.  I often don't know where to use my energy. . .

Do I exhale, move, or both???

Just like how new things often feel uncomfortable for our princess warrior. . .

her eyes remain fixed on her Father who will Never let her go.  Her human body is so weary but her Father that continues to hold her will NOT grow tired or weak. . .

 Do you not know?

Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and his understanding no one can fathom.

Isaiah 40:28

  

He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.  Isaiah 40:29

Even youths grow tired and weary,
   

  but those who hope in the Lord
will renew their strength.  

They will soar on wings like eagles;

they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.  Isaiah 40:31

New chemo is still sucking life out of our princess but as you can see. . . Jehovah Rapha continues to restore this warrior.  And we continue giving praise to the King!  For He is worthy. . .ALL the time!!!

critical

Critical. . . .

 

dictionary meaning. . .

crit·i·cal (krt-kl)

adj.

5.

a. Of or relating to a medical crisis: an illness at the critical stage.

b. Being or relating to a grave physical condition especially of a patient.

6. Indispensable; essential: a critical element of the plan; a second income that is critical to the family's well-being.

7. Being in or verging on a state of crisis or emergency:

 

 

this word showed up several times today. 

 

I quickly realized I was under attack. . . by the one who never wants me focusing on the praiseworthy, pure things of God, but the things this world has to offer . . .

doubt. . .

fear. . .

discouragement. . . .

 

How could this be?  Just minutes before. . .  I'm making bold declarations . . . expectant of the great.

 

And now the declining numbers are set before me and it's almost as if I forget who's in charge. . . my eyes get fixed on number 20 . . . fear sets in for the moment.  Worried about my leaving in a few days . . . .  over a thousand miles away from my family. . . . wondering how everything at home will play out in my absence.

 and just NOW as I type. . . heart's prompted. . . . I remember John 20. . .

The empty tomb. . . ALIVE!

Jesus appearing to his disciples. . . ²¹ Again Jesus said, “Peace be with you! As the Father has sent me, I am sending you.”

 

He is calling me to go . . . I must choose obedience.

I must tell Satan to get behind me . . . . AND

Thank God for calling me. . .

What a privilege!!

 

This was modeled earlier in the week by a dear one . . . who we call Bubba

God told him to put into practice. . . take action. . . call the warriors

Lay hands on this princess. . .

 

come together as a body and make declarations. . . 

RESTORATION 

 

 

So I will rise and SHOUT

OUR GOD'S ALIVE!

 

I have shelter underneath his crown.

God's peace is such an amazing thing. I'll gladly be the passenger on this ride called life. I don't like being the driver. . . figuring out which road to turn down, when to stop, when to go. . . . I pray I allow Jesus to drive more often. He takes me places I never knew of.  I'm so glad he doesn't just drop me off and yell, "I'll be back to get you later."  He comes along with me. . . offers a hand when I''m scared. . .  to carry me when I'm tired. . . .  wipe my tears when I'm sad. . . I'm never alone.  Thank you God for Jesus! 

 

 

new chemo blues

Read this title after pulling it out of the mailbox last week.

 

Folk tales aren't typically my favorite but the title stopped me in my tracks. . .

Tending the seeds . . . ready for the harvest. . . I have sensed so much lately about preparing for the harvest. . . still processing bit by bit. . . not sure what all the Lord is working together in my heart.

We have had many weeks filled with happiness and smiles.  Sure bumps in the road occur, but for the most part we have enjoyed seeing life in this one.

We entered into our third round of new infused chemo this week and second round of oral chemo.  Much MUCH rougher on this warrior. . . . we are getting tired of this battle. . . . extremely weak body tries to play and be a 6 year old child. . . Oh does she try.  Not much more than a few steps and a few minutes of play and she heads herself back to her cozy, safe, and warm bed so she can try to rest.  Her Daddy and I struggle too as we see this tender, pale princess. . . . Her mornings are starting off with getting sick and throwing up and followed by lots of sleep. 

We have all been shedding tears this week. 

Praying like I've never prayed . . .

learning to love in new ways.

Another side effect she's been experiencing is sadness. . . .

roller coaster of emotions. . .

The Lord sees and knows her desires.  He has not forgotten her. . .

Tear Catcher. . .

We are sad and tired. . .

We will wait on him . . .

  His compassion is new each morning. . . Great is your faithfulness. Lamentations 3:23

Please pray she gains her strength back and her days are filled with play again. 

Ignite

It may take me the rest of my life to process last week.  Attentive ears and eyes as the Lord reveals bite-sized pieces. 

First day of our trip. . . .She prepares her star. . . 

to be forever placed in the Castle of Miracles.

Weeping at the reality . . .

Over one hundred thousand tender ones battling a childhood disease.  So hard to think. . . but this is just some of the many. . . these are the ones who also had their dream of going to Disney come true.  Many more chose other dreams. . . and some weren't even given the opportunity to dream big.

My heart can't help but to break.

I'm sensing the Lord teaching me to become a dreamer. . . . Not sure when I stopped being a big dreamer. . .

He's igniting the dreamy heart. . .

not dreams of what the world has to offer. . . for they are fleeting and only offer temporary happiness. But BIG dreams!

Dreams of being a daughter after her Father's heart, ready to go where He wants, offer my story when needed, sowing seeds in abundance as I go.

Taking time to show care to others. . .

Costly? . . . YES! Risky? . . . YES!

Like this busy Princess

taking time out of her busy schedule to dance with another wee princess. . .

feeding the soul of this tender one with heartfelt words.

This past week was beyond belief. . . and continued even after our return.

Sisters offering encouragement . . . . .  truth reminders. . . . . and love showers.

Such warriors for His Kingdom. . . hearts desiring to reflect the beauty of Christ.

Their young. . . joyful princesses alongside them. . . offering big blessings to special chambers in my heart. BLESSED!

fertilizing the seed He planted not too long ago.

YES LORD!!! YOU ARE ABLE!!!

faith eyes

Remembering to keep my eyes wide open. . .

fixed on the one who invites me to come. . .  rest. . . to be revived. . .

reminders are everywhere. 

                        Restoration is happening in and through our home. . . I Believe. . . I Trust.

He loves His child more than I could ever try. He radiates the new life! I see and I love.

                            My brown eyes might not ever see what my flesh wants to see. . . the clean MRI. . .

                                             No growths, no tumors, not a single abnormality.

Thankful for faith eyes that see Him at work.  It's only through Him that I can see any beauty at all.  Desiring for a deeper relationship.  Calling on him in all things.  Worry . . . .It's a daily battle, but                                   I have to choose to lay it down and remember there is hope.

                              So much sadness remembering the pain that was taken on for me. . .

              Nails go deep . . . suffering beyond explanation. . . . Love beyond comprehension! 

as followers we gather together. . . encouraging each other with truth. . .

He is there in our midst . . . in front of us. . . .leading the way. . .

just as he said he would be. Covenant love. . . promise keeper. . . the relationship is what he desires . . . not religion. 

I SO do not want to be like the pharisees. . .  a trap I can easily get caught in.

The heart is what it's all about.

When the filth is revealed, cleaning is required for His beauty to arise. 

Will I let him remove the contaminated? . . .

take what most people would see as a mess and turn it into beauty? . .

My eyes enjoy beauty.  I don't want to miss any beauty that He wants to reveal.  The process may be long. . . painful. . . sad. . . tiring, but I long to reflect His beauty.  I'm a daughter who is loved by the King and my desire is for the yuck to be cleansed.

Therefore, since we have these promises, dear friends, let us purify ourselves from everything that contaminates body and spirit, perfecting holiness out of reverence for God.

2 Corinthians 7:1