Believe

As we begin the new, . . .  reluctant and nervous. . . we are given opportunity to rely more on God, to learn more truth, and to build our faith.  The unknown is often scary and can cause some anxiety.  My flesh cries out, "I hate this!" . . ."How are we going to pay for this new drug?!" . . . "is this one going to stop the growth of the tumor?"  . . . It makes me want to crawl under a bed . . . even with the ferocious dust bunnies . . . .and remain in the fetal position! . . .

But still the gentle spirit woos . . . inviting me to just rest in his arms.  The arms that never grow tired. . . never let go. . . or never stop loving. 

 He holds us and says, "Do not fear, I have your hand, I will help you. . . Be still and rest. . . The birds do not store up food or worry about what they'll eat each day. . . Are you not much more valuable to me than them? . . .I Got this."

He asks if I believe He is able and I shout YES I believe! Without belief I can't have faith. He wants to help strengthen my faith but I have to choose "belief" and get rid of unbelief. . . believing lies clogs up the working of my faith. . . I can't see the miraculous things happening all around me if I continue believing lies. . .  so I continue to bury myself in His truth.  His Love is indescribable . . . Agape. . . the second unbelief starts to stir . . .He's there showing me . . . reminding me to believe truth. . .  .

sometimes through covenant sisters. . . 

probably not even knowing the shirt she chose to wear was in fact. . . Not chosen by her.

I never thought administering chemo would be part of my job title. . . especially not to one of my children.  But as any new hill is to climb. . . looking up is often one of the scariest parts. . . steep. . . can't see the end. . . But,  I can't see the beauty from the top if I don't choose to climb. . . knowing there will be loving hands waiting behind me to catch me when I fall.

She senses when I'm feeling timid. . . Kissing my face she reminds me again that fear is NOT from the Lord and we have to journey onward. . . protection from the toxic poison . . . we press on!

She receives it well and it appears to have no harsh side effects. 

As we enter into week 3 we'll see if Elaina is the "normal" . . . Praying she continues to be ALL unique . . . . Not the normal. . . b/c those ones have blood counts that decide to take a dive during week three. 

RESTORATION. . . our Home's declaration. . .

 Praising Jehovah Rapha for the restoring that has already taken place and the rest that is yet to come.

rooted

Joy filled. . .

This time last year this princess felt trapped in her pain and unaware how to communicate it.  Many doctors were puzzled and continued to think nothing was wrong.  At quick glance things appeared o.k but looking deep into her eyes Mama could see the pain and sense trouble.  March 31st of  2011 we were placed on a roller coaster. God spoke. . .  we needed to hold on tight, listen attentively to Him, trust Him at all cost,  and speak truth boldly. . . We weren't fully dressed for the battle. . .

so we grabbed our armor, gathered our troops, and went forth.

And like I said, a year later we continue fighting. . . rooted in truth and clung to hope.

Last week we were shown the MRI.  Hopeful for the supernatural. . . we looked. . . we listened. . . There was so much to see.  Out of the mouth of the dr. came the dreaded words.  The words that made me want to cover my ears.

dr's words. . .it's hard to tell for sure but it looks like some small growth. . . followed by a recommendation of changing direction and starting a new chemo. O.K! . . . God's got this! We will not lose our grip on hope. . . we continue to cling. . . .and wait on the Lord.

 Just like the steps of a novice walker on tough terrain. . .

we press on one baby step at a time. . .  Knowing there will still be temptations to hide and not come out until it's comfortable. .  . we will soak in the truth and believe.

Our warrior princess has been on a 4 wk break from the chemo and

like a tree that's been cut down and is sprouting again. . . she blossoms! the new shoots will not fail.  . . such a beautiful sight.

 as remnants catch the wind and bald spots reflect the light . . . a body that feels alive chooses freedom. . .  A princess that feels free to just let the pieces dance. 

Jack has a new adventure

Jack decided the other day he wanted to poop on the potty. Well this would have to be one of the worst weeks for potty training I would have to say. I have two drs appts. Elaina has two, and I have the consignment sale this week. Not to mention I'm still healing from my second surgery that I had last week. But Jack says he's ready so I really don't want to miss this huge window of opportunity. You know?! Anyway, it is really wearing me out! He wants to go ALL day long and I mean ALL day. He woke up at 7:00 and before 8:30 hit he had already gone pee pee 4 times and poo poo 1 That's 5 trips to the potty in an hour and a half. He is only 2 1/2 years old so I'm letting him run around naked so at least I don't have to constantly pull his underwear up and down and he's learned to get the stool himself but I still like to be in there to make sure he's not doing anything gross. And I have to be there to wipe if he poops. I'm soooo worn out!! The last two days have been great though. I've had a good amount of energy and I've gotten things done around the house, but today I'm pooped out!! LOL. I'm praying today for energy and patience b/c when I'm worn out I tend to be very impatient. I'm very proud of my big boy!

Luke's Arrival

Luke came into the world on January 27th via C-Section. This surgery experience was by far the worst of the three. From the very start I knew it was going to be bad. My veins kept collapsing so the nurse couldn't get my IV in and tried multiple different spots. My veins have never done this before and I was so annoyed b/c another nurse came over and numbed the area and tried again and it worked. Why did they not do that to begin with I don't know but my arms were all bruised up from all the previous pokes. Then a guy (younger than me) in his residency, with NO personality, did my spinal. He couldn't get the spot numb and had to give me multiple shots before he could do the spinal. Oh, and the "attendant" that told me he would be in there watching him give me the spinal the whole time didn't even come in until he had already started the needle. After the spinal was done I started losing feeling but had a horrible sensation that I didn't experience with Elaina or Jack. It was like I had an EXTREME case of restless leg syndrome but couldn't move them. Oh it made me go crazy! Then I started vomiting.

When they tried pulling Luke out he must have been cozy b/c they tried and tried to get him out but he wasn't coming so they had to use the vacuum. And after what seemed like forever. . . I got to see that precious boy. He looked so much smaller than Jack but was an ounce heavier. I couldn't quite figure that out. He scored an 8 on his test and was a healthy boy. The sweetest part about the whole experience was when the nurse brought him over to see me she held him kind of close to my face, and as soon as I started to talk to Luke he about pushed out of the nurses hands to get closer to me. It was like he knew my voice and wanted to hear more. Elaina and Jack didn't do that.

I'm so glad Luke's here and the surgery experience is over.

Now on to the next chapter of my life. . . Stay at Home Mom of 3! Overwhelming but exciting!

Overwhelming To-Do List

Well as I am waiting for some laundry to finish and taking a quick breather I thought I would document this lengthy list of "to-do's" before baby comes. My goal is to get these all done by the end of my winter break. . . so by Jan 2nd in other words.

Before Christmas:
Finish 3-4 purchases
wrap presents and organize stocking stuff
Clean House
put all kinds of "stuff" back where it belongs (why I can't do this part as I go each day is beyond me.)
clean the bathroom
clean the kitchen
clean all the floors
laundry, laundry, and more laundry (about 6 loads to be more accurate)

Before Jan 2nd:
Put away all the Christmas decor
finish nursery
paint the walls
place-arrange furniture in nursery
dye fabric for
rocker cushions
blanket
rug
and misc.
find 2 cheap curtain rods
make and hang curtains
make pillows for rocker
make crib sheet
make changing pad cover.
make/buy a wall hanging for the room
find some chunky frames
find pails or tubs for storage

Sometime before Baby comes:
put together the swing
put the carseat in the car
clean out the car
get a several must haves from store

I guess this is why I seem disconnected whenever people are talking to me :)
This list didn't just happen b/c I waited until the last minute but I am a teacher teaching a new grade that I've never taught and also a mother of two. It has also been a stressful year b/c of many other things too but nonetheless I will overcome and only with the Lord's strength and help I'll make it.

Now I'm off to check off some more things on the never ending list. Oh and I welcome any prayers for the ones that might be reading.

Announcing Boy or Girl!

I wanted to be a little creative with announcing the sex of this baby. I decided to have family over for icecream and cookies. I made blue goody bags and pink goody bags which each person chose according to what they thought it was. Then they ate there icecream with a hidden blue or pink piece of gum inside. That is how everyone found out what we were having. J.J guessed boy and I guessed girl. I thought it was a girl b/c I had a lot of similar cravings with my daughter. I also had a dream when I was pregnant with Jack that we had two girls and a boy. They both bring so much joy into my life that I really didn't care which one but Elaina really wanted a sister so I was kind of pulling for her.

It's been too Long!

Well like the title states, it has been too long since my last post. Life for me sometimes seems to be on fast forward mode and I wish I could slow things down instead. Teaching a new grade has been a real challenge for me. I sometimes feel like I'm a first year teacher again. And being pregnant on top of that is exhausting. I'm finally over the sickness and not nearly as tired as I have been, but since I don't exactly have a lot of time left I'm starting to feel overwhelmed with everything I have to do before he comes. Anyway, with God, I'm making it. I'm now going to post several short posts highlighting the past few months.