Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Morning Joy

I am trying to relish each moment during these last hours.  



This pregnancy journey has truly been a unique one.  With added stress of Elaina's health making it seem to fly by even faster. . . but I'll absorb these tender moments before Little Man's arrival. 



It was this time a year ago that I was mourning the loss of a sweet baby and recovering from an emergency surgery. . . thinking about it still brings heart ache. Thankful still for God's grace and perfect will for our lives.  There are so many emotions flooding my body today! At this very moment I'm overhearing my 3 smalls talking with excitement about their baby brother and what they are going to take to Mamaw's for their stay there. . . it is super sweet. All three can't contain the joy they are feeling. 




Let's hope this lasts after several days or weeks of bad sleep and lots a baby crying . . . wink, wink!
I'm so thankful for so many dear friends that have partnered with us in praying for the delivery.  C-section recovery is no walk in the park. I can't let myself think about it for too long or panic soon sets in.   Friends are so good at helping you get your mind off things like that. . . sometimes even making you feel quite awkward. . . 


but it's great to laugh. . . Please friends, give me at least a week before you begin your good humor after surgery. . . Ha! 


Truly a blessing these ladies are! So many more that aren't pictured here. 
This morning I woke up (for the 6th time last night) feeling peace that only comes from our sovereign Lord. One sister friend emailed me this morning telling me about an amazing prayer time she had and the flood of emotion that overcame her while praying for me.  Her message was so tender and sweet and filled with compassion.  I love it when the Lord does that kind of thing.  The past two days for me have been filled with fear, doubt, and anxiety.  I truly didn't know what was happening to me. . . I am thankful for the joy this morning and today my heart has stayed at peace. God is always with me. . . sometimes my focus is not where it should be though.  Praying it remains here throughout the night and tomorrow.  We are ready and excited to welcome our new son!


 I love this man and pray the Lord gives him all the strength he needs to help me get through these next tough days.


Psalm 28:7 “The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him."

Thursday, March 19, 2015

Overflow

Our hearts are overflowing with praise tonight as we hear such wonderful news.  There have been so many prayers lifted up for healing and protection over Elaina and we are beyond grateful for them all.  There's sometimes those moments when you are in the middle of a storm when you can't even come up with a phrase to utter in prayer. . . So many times I literally just said, "Jesus". . . or "thank you" I knew he hadn't left me but there's still those moments where fear was holding me hostage and I just couldn't say anything else. . . SO THANKFUL those were just moments and I didn't stay there.  The Holy Spirit is amazing like that! . . . that still, small, voice.  Your prayers overflowed and filled all the gaps.  Thank YOU!
Small recap:  back in November, the main tumor in E's upper spine showed an increase in size and the other areas in her brain and lower spine were unchanged.  That is when, after much prayer, we chose Proton Therapy to single out and radiate the main tumor.  We finished the treatment last month and were blown away by all the love and care lavished on our family during that time.  We then had to schedule the follow up MRI.  First, Checking to make sure the other areas that appeared "stable" were indeed still stable and second, seeing how the one that was treated responded to the radiation. Our main concern at this point was seeing more growth in other areas, so yes we were anxious for these results.
The doctor communicated his thoughts and was happy with what he saw.  But because he is NOT the "radiologist" we both were eager to hear the actual report.  I am so thrilled that the report showed all areas "stable" and the tumor that was treated clearly has a DEAD center. . . that is what we want to see and are hopeful that the next MRI in 3 months will show NOTHING.  The precious part is when the doctor told me he spoke with the other staff members and nurses that knew Elaina telling them the news. . . He said they were beyond excited and it was neat to watch their reaction and they miss Elaina already.

We are overflowing with joy!


Wednesday, March 11, 2015

Provision


The wait is coming to an end. . . not only will we be having Elaina's MRI soon (the 17th) but we will also be meeting our youngest prince just over a week later. . . This MRI will be later in the day so we may not be getting the results the same day like usual. . . Honestly that makes me anxious, I won't lie.  I like to know things right away. . . I don't like to wait but good can come from waiting. . . as long as my eyes stay fixed on the King!

I knew at the beginning of this chapter that the treatment plan was going to cost a lot. . . and that was before I learned that the treatment center was "out of network". . . even MORE costly! I could have easily become consumed and let anxiety dominate my thoughts, but as I lifted  this fear in prayer . . . asking God to take the burden I gained something great. . . peace.  Knowing that God is BIGGER and STRONGER than any problem I will ever face. . .


This is a big number. . . His provision is perfect and we are so thankful He knows our every need . . . even before we do.  I stray too often, but my desire is to seek the Father's loving provision for all our needs. . . including medical bills.  The amount we will have to pay is only a tiny fraction of this big number because of the intervention of so many loving people working at the center that God hand picked for a time such as this.  Their hearts are not in it for the money. We have been so blessed getting to know some wonderful people there and they clearly want the same thing we do. . . a healthy daughter/child with no tumor. . . they don't have a care in the world for the money. . .  J.J and I try, through the tears, to express our gratitude to the staff for everything. 


There were not many dry eyes in the room that day. . . seriously a humbling experience that I hope to never forget.  

We are hopeful that this year will be a year filled with many celebrations!  The next time I write I plan on having some beautiful news.  Please continue praying with us as we wait.