Promise Keeper

Well it is already that time again. . . I have to be honest, MRIs cause more anxiety now then they used to.  I hate the feeling when anxiety tries to rob my joy. . . 

After all the Lord has taught me along the way it's disappointing to me how quickly I can fall into fears snare. And I'm always humbled by God's grace and love he sweeps over me. . . He doesn't give up on His children. . . oh how thankful I am.  I was checking the calendar tonight for tomorrow and was surprised that I had completely forgotten that tomorrow is 

MRI day. As my heart starts to feel squeezed and my stomach turns I pray, "You  have this"  and literally seconds after . . . I see this out the window!

I don't know if you can see it but there are three rainbows. .  . the most beautiful thing!

I can't help but be reminded of Noah. . . the faith he had was incredible! To obey God when everyone must have thought he was a complete nut. . . remarkable!

I am so thankful for the seeds of faith that have sprouted along our way. . . even more grateful for God's promises.  He promises to never leave us nor forsake us and He equips us with everything we need for the storm. . . . and just look at the beauty after the storm!

Please pray along with us. Tomorrow is MRI day and we love when peace floods our hearts!  

He is our rock!

Morning Joy

I am trying to relish each moment during these last hours.  

This pregnancy journey has truly been a unique one.  With added stress of Elaina's health making it seem to fly by even faster. . . but I'll absorb these tender moments before Little Man's arrival. 

It was this time a year ago that I was mourning the loss of a sweet baby and recovering from an emergency surgery. . . thinking about it still brings heart ache. Thankful still for God's grace and perfect will for our lives.  There are so many emotions flooding my body today! At this very moment I'm overhearing my 3 smalls talking with excitement about their baby brother and what they are going to take to Mamaw's for their stay there. . . it is super sweet. All three can't contain the joy they are feeling. 

Let's hope this lasts after several days or weeks of bad sleep and lots a baby crying . . . wink, wink!

I'm so thankful for so many dear friends that have partnered with us in praying for the delivery.  C-section recovery is no walk in the park. I can't let myself think about it for too long or panic soon sets in.   Friends are so good at helping you get your mind off things like that. . . sometimes even making you feel quite awkward. . . 

but it's great to laugh. . . Please friends, give me at least a week before you begin your good humor after surgery. . . Ha! 

Truly a blessing these ladies are! So many more that aren't pictured here. 

This morning I woke up (for the 6th time last night) feeling peace that only comes from our sovereign Lord. One sister friend emailed me this morning telling me about an amazing prayer time she had and the flood of emotion that overcame her while praying for me.  Her message was so tender and sweet and filled with compassion.  I love it when the Lord does that kind of thing.  The past two days for me have been filled with fear, doubt, and anxiety.  I truly didn't know what was happening to me. . . I am thankful for the joy this morning and today my heart has stayed at peace. God is always with me. . . sometimes my focus is not where it should be though.  Praying it remains here throughout the night and tomorrow.  We are ready and excited to welcome our new son!

 I love this man and pray the Lord gives him all the strength he needs to help me get through these next tough days.

Psalm 28:7 “The LORD is my strength and my shield; my heart trusts in him, and he helps me. My heart leaps for joy, and with my song I praise him."

Overflow

Our hearts are overflowing with praise tonight as we hear such wonderful news.  There have been so many prayers lifted up for healing and protection over Elaina and we are beyond grateful for them all.  There's sometimes those moments when you are in the middle of a storm when you can't even come up with a phrase to utter in prayer. . . So many times I literally just said, "Jesus". . . or "thank you" I knew he hadn't left me but there's still those moments where fear was holding me hostage and I just couldn't say anything else. . . SO THANKFUL those were just moments and I didn't stay there.  The Holy Spirit is amazing like that! . . . that still, small, voice.  Your prayers overflowed and filled all the gaps.  Thank YOU!
Small recap:  back in November, the main tumor in E's upper spine showed an increase in size and the other areas in her brain and lower spine were unchanged.  That is when, after much prayer, we chose Proton Therapy to single out and radiate the main tumor.  We finished the treatment last month and were blown away by all the love and care lavished on our family during that time.  We then had to schedule the follow up MRI.  First, Checking to make sure the other areas that appeared "stable" were indeed still stable and second, seeing how the one that was treated responded to the radiation. Our main concern at this point was seeing more growth in other areas, so yes we were anxious for these results.
The doctor communicated his thoughts and was happy with what he saw.  But because he is NOT the "radiologist" we both were eager to hear the actual report.  I am so thrilled that the report showed all areas "stable" and the tumor that was treated clearly has a DEAD center. . . that is what we want to see and are hopeful that the next MRI in 3 months will show NOTHING.  The precious part is when the doctor told me he spoke with the other staff members and nurses that knew Elaina telling them the news. . . He said they were beyond excited and it was neat to watch their reaction and they miss Elaina already.

We are overflowing with joy!

Provision

The wait is coming to an end. . . not only will we be having Elaina's MRI soon (the 17th) but we will also be meeting our youngest prince just over a week later. . . This MRI will be later in the day so we may not be getting the results the same day like usual. . . Honestly that makes me anxious, I won't lie.  I like to know things right away. . . I don't like to wait but good can come from waiting. . . as long as my eyes stay fixed on the King!

I knew at the beginning of this chapter that the treatment plan was going to cost a lot. . . and that was before I learned that the treatment center was "out of network". . . even MORE costly! I could have easily become consumed and let anxiety dominate my thoughts, but as I lifted  this fear in prayer . . . asking God to take the burden I gained something great. . . peace.  Knowing that God is BIGGER and STRONGER than any problem I will ever face. . .

This is a big number. . . His provision is perfect and we are so thankful He knows our every need . . . even before we do.  I stray too often, but my desire is to seek the Father's loving provision for all our needs. . . including medical bills.  The amount we will have to pay is only a tiny fraction of this big number because of the intervention of so many loving people working at the center that God hand picked for a time such as this.  Their hearts are not in it for the money. We have been so blessed getting to know some wonderful people there and they clearly want the same thing we do. . . a healthy daughter/child with no tumor. . . they don't have a care in the world for the money. . .  J.J and I try, through the tears, to express our gratitude to the staff for everything. 

There were not many dry eyes in the room that day. . . seriously a humbling experience that I hope to never forget.  

We are hopeful that this year will be a year filled with many celebrations!  The next time I write I plan on having some beautiful news.  Please continue praying with us as we wait.  

His Leading

I desire to be a woman of faith… but am aware that having a steadfast faith in God doesn't guarantee life will be easy and pain free.  I may never see the purpose of my trials in life while I'm here, but I believe God is a promise keeper and that He will never leave me.  And because He is all knowing, I can trust He is leading me along teaching me all about becoming a princess of faith.  Elaina is doing perfect through her treatments.  She has had just a few days being slightly more tired than usual and did complain once of a sore throat both of these being mild side effects of treatment but we are trusting God is protecting her while destroying this destructive tumor.  

I've been blessed this week learning about Jesus and his obedience to the father as I continue a daily study to Walk as Jesus Walked.  I long to be more like Him. . . It requires risk and is definitely a costly adventure.  But as I continue to trudge along, I am learning that to be more like someone I must spend a lot of time with them.  I have used the excuse many times, "I'm so busy". . . It's almost as if our culture/the world sees "busyness" as success. I hear all the time and have even said it myself, "I don't see how they do all they do, they are amazing." I feel this is a lie the enemy wants us to believe. . . that you are more successful with the "more" you get done in your day. . . because if we are SO busy. . . it's easier to forget to spend time with the Father, OR we are just too tired to spend the time. . .  .I've given God many excuses. . . but He knows my heart. It all boils down to the fact that I didn't make the priority to stop my busyness. I want to vow to not be too busy for Him.  At the end of the day. . . nothing really matters if I chose to ignore my maker.  I could have gotten two lists of "To-Do's" checked off but if I didn't stop and check in with God to see what He would desire for my day than . . . Well, it would be just an ordinary day I guess.

These past two weeks have been beyond overwhelming and "BUSY" for me.  They were filled with reminders of more forgotten "to-do's" . . . . NO JOKE, everywhere I turned I would be getting a message via text, email, FB, etc reminding me of a deadline or something that person wanted me to do.  I'd about reached my breaking point multiple times.  The only thing that saved me had to be prayer.  God is full of grace and as I prayed . . . OK, more like fussed and complained to God about my "being so behind" after treatment ran over by about 40 minutes two days in a row. . .  I instantly remembered the person I met that day during Elaina's treatment. . . The person I probably would NOT have met had everything been "on schedule". .  . If I wouldn't have met this precious couple than I wouldn't have had the blessing of entering into the spiritual conversation that we shared.  God showed up and it was awesome! The point is, as much as I would like to think I know best. . .I do NOT know what is best for me apart from God and being busy in my own self-centered life is not His plan for me.  I have seen some wonderful things while at the treatment center and I sense God is up to something there. .. .  J.J and I both have been able to talk multiple times with different people about our journey and many people have come up to us telling us the joy Elaina brought to their day.  God is good and He has a plan far bigger than I can know.  I want to be a good student… like Jesus I want to seek to please the Father…
I want to willingly enter into Gods Kingdom agenda and fulfill my role in His grand story… but obedience is required… I am still learning what that looks like.
I am also thankful for new mornings.. . .
This morning as I drove up to drop some work off I noticed a board set up outside the main doors that read. . .
For I hold you by your right hand—
    I, the Lord your God.
And I say to you,
    ‘Don’t be afraid. I am here to help you.
I wasn't afraid this morning but I was needing to be refreshed of the valuable lesson God had been trying to teach me just days before.  That I am NOT alone and He is here to Help. . . holding my hand.  I am also thankful for "Secret Angels" that drop surprises off on my doorstep with sweet reminders that I am "Chosen" Not sure who was responsible for the surprise basket of treasures but I am so thankful and encouraged.  I am also thankful for encouraging messages sent to me during the day reminding me I am loved. There is SO much to be thankful for! I can't possibly list it all . . .  the prayers!. . . the food!. .. . unconditional love. . . the list goes on and on.  I am unworthy of any of this. . . especially after all my crying to God over super silly things. . . Ha! but He loves me no matter what, and He is there catching every tear.    

Winter

We are preparing for uncharted territory. . . something we have never done before. . . and similar to any NEW experience. . .  

Fear can try to stop you from the unknown. But God has not given us the spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind. . . . 2 Timothy 1:7

 Spring is just around the corner. This wintery chapter will not be too long.  We know we will make it through this cold… tough... trying season but only by God's grace.

Tuesday the 6th we need your prayers as we officially enter into this new chapter.  Side effects and risks are low (so thankful) and we are hopeful for there to be NONE that will cause problems.

Life will become extremely busy during the next month and a half . . . Monday thru Friday for 5 consecutive weeks Elaina will be treated. I don't know how we will juggle everything but I know the Lord will be walking with us. . . every step of the way.  The boys will come with us each time. .. . Ha! it will definitely keep things interesting. . . Homeschooling will look a little different. . . maybe even more "interesting" there too. . . the rest of my pregnancy will surely FLY by. . . but I know there will be joy mingled in through all this! God is faithful! and that is why we will seek Him. . . He brings rest to our souls and restores our strength.  Matthew 11:28-29. . . "Then Jesus said, “Come to me, all of you who are weary and carry heavy burdens, and I will give you rest.  Take my yoke upon you. Let me teach you, because I am humble and gentle at heart, and you will find rest for your souls."

Please,  don't stop sending encouragement.  I may not have time to reply back to everyone but I do read them all and it helps to keep us going . . . knowing there are so many out there partnering with us.   

Happy New Year!

Waiting

While waiting is definitely hard for me to do. . .  it often allows for precious time spent with the Lord.  I'm reminded of the story of David. . . My wait is so small compared to David's.  He certainly understood what it meant to become fearful and discouraged.  David's willingness to wait sure has been a blessing to me.
"wait on the Lord; be of good courage, and He shall strengthen your heart; wait, I say, on the Lord." Psalm 27:14

Elaina's new doctor should be calling within a week to let us know when the new treatment will start.  A team of physicists are hard at work doing what they do best.  and I sit back praising God for offering them the wisdom that blows my mind.  One of the many things I have learned along the way is how little I understand about all our body systems and what each specialist offers. . . how all these specialists come together with the knowledge they have and collaborate coming up with a specialized plan.  I appreciate all their work and the care they pour out on our sweet princess.
Elaina has such a courageous spirit.  She had an appointment before Christmas to have the typical "pre-radiation" stuff done. . . I'll spare you all the boring details. . . She was never scared and did amazing! but it was stuff that made ME uneasy and to be honest there was a moment I wanted to curl up in a ball and cry. . .  and then I heard. . . "For the LORD your God is with you wherever you go" Joshua 1:9  

God so sweetly reminded me through his Word yesterday that He will be with us through it all.
"When you go through deep waters,
I will be with you.
When you go through rivers of difficulty,
you will not drown.
When you walk through the fire of oppression,
you will not be burned up;
the flames will not consume you.
For I am the Lord, your God,
the Holy One of Israel, your Savior."
Isaiah 43:2-3
Elaina was chosen by God and He loves her far better than I could ever try.  I can't forget the road of Faith that He led me down not too long ago. . . I am continuing on in prayer! Praying for His will and that I choose to trust the plan He has for us knowing that His plan is perfect.  

Thank you so much for partnering with us in prayer!